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How We Got Where We're Going

Allie

Disclaimer: All things QAF belong to CowLip. I take liberties but they own them, I don’t.
Characters: All Queer As Folk characters
Pairing: Brian and Justin
Warning: Entire Thing will be NC-17. Spoilers for like all Five Seasons.

V - Cheap Whiskey

Life is a series of collisions with the future; it is not the sum of what we have been, but what we yearn to be.
~ Jose Ortega y Gasset ~

June 4, 2016 3:48pm

Gus’ POV

Ash and I are sitting on the swing on my back porch. I’m looking at the backyard through the LCD screen of my Sony 246X digital camera trying to find something remotely interesting to capture. There isn’t anything interesting though because it’s just my boring backyard that I’ve seen hundred of times so I turn in the swing focusing the camera on Ash.

Raising an eyebrow I look up at him. “What’s wrong with you?”

Jerking his head up he stares at me like he forgot I was even here. “I did something stupid.”

“Fucked a girl?”

“Don’t be an asshole.”

“But it’s so much fun.”

Sighing he gets up and leans against the railing facing me. Rolling my eyes I put my camera aside. “What did you do?”

“It wasn’t planned or anything.” He huffs and looks away. When he looks back at me I raise an eyebrow waiting to see what he’s going on about. “I told my Mom.”

I open my mouth to say something but then stop. “Wait.” I get up and take a step toward him. “You told your Mom you’re gay? What’d you do blurt it out over your bowl of Fruit Loops?”

I don’t eat Fruit Loops.”

“Sorry I forgot. Was it over your bowl of Oatmeal then?” Ash is like this big health food nut. I swear he’s worse than my Dad. I don’t know how Justin puts up with it but I find it annoying as hell.

“Can you just stop being an ass for like one second?”

Pulling out my pack of cigarettes I quickly light one. “Look just tell me what you said.”

He runs a hand through his hair but it falls right back in his eyes. “It’s really not a big deal Gus.” Walking over he flops down on the swing grabbing my camera right before it tumbles to the ground.

“Jesus, that breaks and my Dad will have my ass.”

“Sorry.” He mumbles while fiddling with the camera.

I take a drag of my cigarette and say, “If it isn’t a big deal you wouldn’t be queening out over it.”

He doesn’t say anything so I flick my cigarette into the bushes and sit down next to him. “Out with it already.”

“Well my Mom was talking about this summer and I wasn’t really listening, you know,” He looks at me furrowing his brow, “until she said something about sending me off to see my Aunt and Uncle in California.”

“What?”

“I know. So I told her, ‘Mom you already said I could go to New York this summer with Gus.' and she was like, ‘No I didn’t.’”

“That’s fucking bullshit.” Ash and I had been planning our trip to New York for the better part of the year. It took that long just to convince my Dad to put up with two teenagers for a month. It’s longer than I usually stay and I had to promise my Dad we’d amuse ourselves because he and Justin were both going to be pretty busy.

“I know that’s what I told her and then she said…”

When he closes his eyes I take my camera away from him, set it aside, and grab his hand. “Just say it.”

His eyes remain closed. “She said, ‘There is no way we agreed to let you spent a queer summer in New York with the fag next door and his fag parents’.”

“Jesus.” I mumble pulling him closer to me so that I can wrap my arm around his shoulders.

He runs his hand over my stomach as he rests his head against my chest. “Well I got pissed, you know, because I didn’t like her saying that about you and your Dads are cool, and she doesn’t even know them.” He curls his fingers around my side and presses tighter against me before he continues. “So I yelled at her, told her that she was being ignorant and why shouldn’t I spend a queer summer in New York since I’m as queer as you.”

“Ash.” I kiss the top of his head. “You are such a fucking drama queen.” His laugh is soft and warm against my chest. “How could she not know you’re gay with a performance like that?”

“I have no idea.”

“Fuck ‘em Ash.”

“My parent’s aren’t like yours Gus. They’re not gonna just let me go to New York without their permission.”

Pulling from his embrace I get up, grab my camera, and turn to face him. “Fuck it. Take the ticket for California and when they drop you off at the airport exchange it for a flight to New York.” Ash’s mouth gaps open and I laugh bringing my camera up.

“Hold that pose. I want to capture the complete look of terror on your face.”

“What?” His voice cracks and his image flickers. When I pull my camera away he’s gone, the house is gone, the porch it gone, and all that’s left is darkness. Then I see it, the two beams of light hurling towards me and there’s nothing I could do because no matter what I try it’s still gonna come, it’s still gonna happen, and Ash is still gonna die.

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May 24, 2019 4:11am

Gus’ POV

I wake up in a cold sweat clinging to my pillow trying to hold in the sobs that want to break free of my body. I’m so tired of crying. So tired of missing him. I wipe my face in the pillow and give up on going back to sleep. Today is going to be for shit. Everyone is going to be here and I’ll have to be pre-accident-sorry your boyfriend died-Gus. I reach for my cigarettes, open my window, crawl out in the little section of roof that hangs over the downstairs window, and sit down. I tap out a cigarette and light it.

I look out over the houses that surround ours and if I want I could pick out Ash’s old house. I don’t though because he doesn’t live there anymore, his parents don’t live there anymore. They moved to California a month after they put him in the ground. I take a deep drag of my cigarette and let my mind wonder to how his funeral must have been. I wasn’t there. Not that I didn’t want to be but as a general rule hospitals don’t release comatose patients so they can attend their dead boyfriend’s funeral.

I finish my cigarette and think about going back inside. Maybe I should work on my fucking Valedictorian speech. Fuck. Like I don’t have enough going on. I didn’t want to do it. I fucking begged and begged trying to get out of it. It fucking blows having a lawyer for a Mom just like it blows to have parents that ride your ass to make good grades and take AP honor classes. I’m smart and if I’m honest about it, I’m glad that they pushed me because if they hadn’t I probably wouldn’t have gotten into the School of Visual Arts.

Fuck. Today family out the ass and tomorrow talking out of my ass. I can’t wait until this shit is all over so I can get the fuck out of Toronto and I don’t know get on with my life or some shit.

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May 24, 2019 6:15pm

Justin’s POV

We’re standing on Linz and Mel’s front porch. We can hear the voices inside sounding like a crowd of hundreds when it’s really only about a dozen or so people. I look over at Brian trying to get a read on exactly what he’s feeling. Telling Gus went better than we thought it would. In fact, Gus figuring it out for himself saved us the awkwardness of trying to explain it to him. Sure he freaked out but by the end of the night he seemed okay with it. Of course Brian and I know looks can be deceiving, he is a Kinney by blood after all. Looking back at the door I have to admit that I’m a little nervous about what’s going to happen when we announce that we’re married. I know nobody believed it would ever happen. Hell up until last month I believed the same fucking thing.

“You ready?” Brian asks.

I nod and when he knocks on the door I reach for his hand. It won’t be a big deal I tell myself. We’ve been together so long now that it shouldn’t shock anyone. I want to believe that. I really do. I take a deep breath as the door opens and JR greets us with a smile that is more Michael than Melanie. She’s shorter than I remember. Her long black hair has bright crimson red highlights. Narrowing her coal back eyes she says, “You guys are late.” Before Brian or I can respond she turns and yells, “Brian and Justin are finally here!” She walks into the living room and we follow closing the door behind us. Everyone just throws ‘hey’s and hi’s’ our way before returning to their conversations.

“I’m getting a drink.” Brian says. “Want anything?” I just nod my head no. He releases my hand and walks to the kitchen.

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May 24, 2019 6:15pm

Gus’ POV

I’m sitting at the kitchen table trying my best to be anti-social even though sooner or later I know I have to fucking go out there and listen to everyone oh and ah about how fucking proud they are of me. It’s not even a big deal. It’s just graduation. Anyone can graduate from fucking high school. I’m thinking about going outside for a cigarette when Dad strolls into the kitchen.

“What the fuck are you doing in here?” He asks as he heads for the liquor cabinet.

“Avoiding the inevitable.” I say.

“Yeah well you should get your ass in there. That’s what everyone is here for.” He pulls out a bottle of whiskey and makes a face at it. I guess it’s not the kind he usually drinks or whatever but it doesn’t stop him from pouring some of it in a glass.

I’m about to get up when he comes and sits down in the chair across from me. “You write your speech?”

I want to tell him sure, yeah it’s all typed up and ready to go but instead I shrug and say, “I’m thinking of winging it.”

He taps his ring on the glass. “You should be prepared.”

Rolling my eyes I say, “Dad I fucking aced communications and speech it’ll be fine.” I’m about to get up and head outside when I notice that it’s gotten really quiet in the living room.

“Fuck.” Dad stands up, walks toward the living room, and says over his shoulder, “Write your fucking speech.”

I roll my eyes and push myself out of the chair. I can only imagine that whatever is about to go on in the living room will have nothing to do with me. So fuck it. I turn and walk out to the porch immediately lighting a cigarette. Fuck it if my Moms see me. It’s not that I don’t care about what’s going on in there but honestly it’s just going to be everyone talking all at once about how Dad doesn’t believe in marriage and why didn’t they tell anyone. I know because that’s what I asked. That’s what I wanted to know. I’ve had longer to think about it though. Is the fact that Dad got married shocking? Hell yes. There is no way around that. I heard him say the same thing for eighteen years of my life about gay marriage, so yeah it’s kinda a big fucking deal. Am I surprised that when he finally decided he wanted to get married it was to Justin? Fuck no, and really no one else should be surprised either.

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May 24, 2019 6:16pm

Justin’s POV

I move over to the chair in the corner and sit down deciding for now not to engage in any of the conversations going on. It’s hard to pick up any anyway. It’s just an endless stream of words running over each other. It hasn’t been that long since we’ve seen everyone. We were in Pittsburgh in March, Brian to check on Babylon and Kinnetik and I had a business meeting with one of the galleries there. I don’t usually show my work in Pittsburgh but every oncein a while I try to remember that’s where I got my start and that’s where I came from, even if I am glad I don’t live there anymore. Looking around everyone seems to look the same only older.

Sitting there I survey everything and nothing when my Mom approaches me. “Hi sweetheart.” I stand and she pulls me into a hug which I return.

Stepping back she smiles at me and I smile back. “Hey Mom.” I look over her shoulder. “Where’s Tucker?” My mom and Tucker got married seven years ago. I have long since put any bad feelings about him to bed. He loves my Mom and treats her like a fucking queen. It’s hard not to like the guy, if only for that.

“Oh he had to teach today but he’s going to be here later tonight.” She reaches for my hands. “How are you honey?”

The seventeen year old that still lives inside me wants to blurt out that I’m fucking great because Brian and I finally got married but I suppress him. “I’m good.”

She drags me to the couch and pulls me down beside her. “Tell me what you’ve been up to. I haven’t seen you in months!”

“Yeah Sunshine, where have you been hiding out?” Debbie, who is sitting next to my Mom, asks.

Chuckling I say, “I haven’t been hiding. I’ve been busy.”

“Weren’t you and Brian just in Paris?” Ted asks from across the room. When I look over at him I notice that everyone is watching me. Where the fuck is Brian? It doesn’t take that long to get a drink. I run my hand through my hair and smile.

“Oh my honey!” Emmett saunters over to me and lifts my hand. “What a beautiful ring.” He glances from the ring to me. “Where did you get it?”

“Um.” My face feels like it’s on fire and I want nothing more than to jerk my hand from Emmett.

“I gave it to him.” Everyone including me turns as Brian strolls into the room. He squeezes himself between me and the arm of the couch before taking a sip of his drink. “Got myself one too.” He says lodging his tongue into the side of his cheek holding up his finger and wiggling it.

Everyone gets really quiet and just stares at us. Emmett drops my hand before sitting down on the coffee table in front of the couch looking from me to Brian. Michael has his mouth open, my Mom has her hands over her lips, Debbie has her hand pressed against her chest, while Ted, Blake, Hunter, and Ben are sort of staring at us with wide eyes. Even Carl is looking at us like we just whipped out our dicks.

“Jesus Christ don’t tell us you two finally got married.” Debbie’s voice cuts through the silence like a hot knife through butter.

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May 24, 2019 6:18pm

Gus’ POV

The back porch door flies open and I think about discarding my cigarette but I decide fuck it and take a drag before turning to see who’s joined me out here. Fuck, JR.

“What the fuck are you doing out here?” I ask her.

“What the fuck are you?” She snaps back closing the door and leaning against it. “You should be in there or something. Everyone is going off on your Dad and Justin.” She tilts her head to the side. “You already know.”

“Not that it’s any of your fucking business but they told me two days ago.”

Walking over she takes the cigarette from between my fingers and takes a drag. “How’d you take it?”

“Give me that.” I take it back from her and scowl. I look over her head toward the house. “Is everyone freaking out?”

“Totally. The rings are really what’s freaking people out.”

I scoff. “Why? When people get married they exchange rings, its part and parcel.”

“Yeah well, Auntie Em asked about the ring Justin was wearing and he just got really red in the face then your Dad walked in saying he got it for him and that he had one too. Then it got like real quiet for a minute and then it was like the room exploded!” She giggles and I roll my eyes. “Right before I came out here Auntie Em asked if they had anything engraved on their rings, because you know what a romantic he is, anyway so your Dad snapped that it wasn’t any of his fucking business.”

“That’s when you left?”

“Yeah, because your Dad just kept getting more and more pissed off and Justin looked like he was too a little bit.”

I take the last drag of my cigarette, flick it in the bushes, and look down at her. “What the fuck does it matter if they have rings or if they have shit engraved on them?”

Crossing her arms she rolls her eyes. “Duh because it’s your Dad.”

Oh, yeah, right. I reach out and tug a stand of her hair. “I like it.” I say.

She smiles. “I wanted to do it all in red, you know for your graduation, but Ma said no way in hell.”

Laughing I drape my arm around her shoulders. Yeah she can be a pain in the ass, annoying as fucking hell, but she’s my little sister. My little sister who wanted to dye her hair crimson red because that’s the color of my graduation robe. She’s an aggravating little twerp but the truth is I’m gonna miss her. “Come on.” I say. “We better get back in there.”

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May 24, 2019 6:31pm

Brian’s POV

The longer it goes on the more pissed I get. It’s not that I didn’t know they were going to bombard us with questions but these aren’t the questions I was expecting. Shit about rings and what we have engraved on them, like that’s anyone’s fucking business.

“Brian Kinney says I do.” Debbie shakes her head smiling.

Justin laughs. “It was more like, what the fuck with a little shrug.” I glare at him. He leans over kisses my ear and whispers, “You okay?” I cup the back of his neck, stoke his hair, and nod.

“Did you guys go on a honeymoon?” JR asks. I glance over to see her and Gus enter the room.

Justin looks up at me. I look at him and raise an eyebrow. He laughs and then turns to JR. “Yeah, we went to Paris.”

“Wait.” Mother Taylor looks over at us. “You’ve been in Paris for a month.” She turns to Justin. “I thought you said you were there on business.”

He shrugs. “We were.”

“Pleasure too.” I add.

“When exactly did you get married?” Michael asks his brow furrowing.

I smirk. “Last month.”

The room erupts and I hear Justin moan. It’s fucking funny if you ask me. It’s not like I never asked him to marry me before the only difference is that this time we actually did it. It’s funny how after all these years people still like to think of me as some played out Peter Pan fucking around and getting home at four in the morning smelling like sweat, sex, smoke, and liquor or that Justin’s still that seventeen year old kid that’s just hanging around painting pretty pictures while I support him.

If they only fucking knew. I look over at Gus who seems more than happy that the conversation isn’t about him. I lift my glass tipping it toward him in a mock toast before draining the last of the cheap whiskey. He just rolls his eyes.

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