215
Gap Filler
Justin's POV
Rated NC 17
“Drama queen.”
What the fuck did he just call me? I see Brian smiling and realize it’s a joke, sort of. He’d better be joking, I’m the one who should be pissed. I AM pissed. Michael and I accepted his “apology” for fucking up our hard work, but he and I have unfinished business. Brian and I need to talk.
Thinking quickly, in an effort to keep the mood light, I rebut, “Cherry queen.”
Ha, I got him good. He knows that’s true. He loves virgins, although he’d never admit it.
“Snow queen.”
Fuck, he’s sort of got me there. I was the last one of us to stick the funny white powder up my nose even though it was just a little from Gary, oh wait, and then there was the party too. Shit, he’s totally got me.
Our stare-off lasts for a few more seconds, Brian is leaning against the steel door that he just shut behind Mikey and I’m in the kitchen where I’ve just retrieved a bottle of water.
Smiles begin to sneak across our faces and then the laughter begins. Brian bolts the door and his chest begins to heave. He sets the alarm and by this point I’m hysterical. We have to laugh. We need to laugh. If we don’t then we might have to talk about all of the raw emotion that is still lingering between us. He was jealous, I was angry. I thought he didn’t love me, worse, he thought I didn’t love him. I didn’t realize Brian was capable of those emotions. He caught me off guard. Mikey didn’t seem so surprised. But me, I was shocked. Pissing on our fucking comic. Fuck, I have to stop thinking about it; I can feel my blood boiling all over again. Remembering everything, I halt my own laughter because I should still be angry with him. Things are not okay between us.
Brian steps into the kitchen, approaching me with caution. Even though we’ve swapped insults and laughed together he is still unsure of how I will react to him. Mikey and I agreed to let him help market the comic as a form of penance. But, he and I both know there is more to mend between us than just that. He and Michael might be fine. But he and I…well, there’s been some irreparable damage done. I hope we can mend it though. I want to. I need to. But, I need to talk about it first. Talking isn’t something Brian does well.
“What the fuck happened with you?” I say a little too caustically.
“What? What do you want me to say? I told you it was wrong.” His voice started slightly angry, but dimmed to a whisper.
“Yes. You did. But I still need to know you aren’t going to freak out if I spend time with Michael, or anyone else for that matter. You’re not the jealous type Brian. That was really weird.” I scan his eyes looking for answers. I know it is killing him that I’m making him talk about this. He’s hoping I’ll forget that he went into a fit of rage (how appropriate, a fit of RAGE) because he found me sleeping, innocently, with his best friend.
“I was drunk…”
“Don’t bullshit me, you’re drunk half the time.”
”I was…I don’t know…Justin…can we just…”
“What? Forget about it? I’m sure you’d love that.” He winces a little because my remark is true and I say it fiercely.
”Move on. That’s all. I said my peace.” He starts to move a little closer to me, not knowing if that is the right thing to do. He starts to grin a little. As always, he thinks he can fix everything between us with sex.
“You were a complete and utter asshole.”
”I was,” he says it coyly dipping his head in a slight nod.
“You don’t deserve Michael’s and my forgiveness.”
“I don’t. I know that. I told you both that.” He looks at his feet, avoiding my accusing gaze.
“I should just walk away.” His eyes furrow in concern, he’s looking at me intensely to see if I might mean that. We both know I don’t.
“But I want you to stay.” He smiles again and this time I can barely resist jumping toward him and pulling him to me. I can’t stay angry with him. In a way, deep down, I love that he got territorial. That he actually gave enough of a shit to get that mad. But, I’d never admit that. I can never let him know that. He continues very quietly, “I’m sorry Justin, I really am.”
With an air of confidence and condescension I say, “Sorry is bullshit.” His eyes flicker with the recognition of his own words coming back to bite him in the ass.
I
watch as he waits to see my next move. He’s inched close enough to put the ball
in my court. He’s vulnerable, something I’ve seen very few times. It’s
incredibly sexy. While Mikey was right, we love Brian because he is ruthless
and unapologetic, I love that he did apologize and that he meant it. And now I
love that he is standing here waiting for me to show him that I forgive him. He
needs to feel it.
A heavy haze of anticipation fills the loft as we both wait to see what I’m
going to do. The truth is I know exactly what I’m going to do, but drawing out
my actions is making him crazy, and I love that. I step a few inches closer to
him and his body responds by arching toward mine. I can see his hand start to
move toward me, but he stops himself. Knows that I still need to make the first
contact. I smile a little bit and so does he. My grin is full of power, his if
full of relief. I take my right hand and place it at the waist of his jeans. I
pull him close to me and kiss him deeply. There is nothing sweet or friendly
about the kiss, it is deep and needy and visceral. Our animal instincts are in
maximum overdrive when we’re together. Brian and I are the perfect sexual
match. He’d never admit it, but I know he feels the same way I do. My hand
slips up the front of his black tank top and he moans a little as the soft tips
of my fingers trace the contours of every muscle in his chest and play with the
edges of his nipples. We kiss deep and hard and struggle to breathe, not ready
to break away from one another. There is so much being said in the silence of
these kisses, and neither of us are done talking yet.
Brian finally lets down his guard and wraps his arms fully around me, pulling
me into him. His grip is so urgent and tight I feel like he might consume me.
This feeling, the neediness, the ownership he’s wrapping around me, is new. It’s
exciting; I know it won’t last so I’ll relish it. Tomorrow, when the sex has
been had and the emotions have toned down, he will have all but forgotten the
way he’s holding me now. The way he’s showing me how much he needs me. But me,
I won’t forget. I’ll feel his arms clutch my back and neck and face, telling me
that he loves me and needs me to stay with him always. I’ll feel them for days
and remember them for years. Brian’s limbs leave marks on me that will forever
be seen only by me.
I let a moan escape my lips Brian’s tongue leaves a wet, cool trail down my
neck to my collarbone. I throw my head back to give him full access. He pulls
my shirt over my head and it lands in the sink. We laugh together again, but
this time there is no subtext. His hands search my newly exposed skin. I love
how they run over my chest, my shoulders, and my back like it is new territory
to him. As if he hasn’t touched every inch of me a thousand times. I’m the same
way with him though, that fresh hunger every time I see his naked body. It’s
why we work, that shared desire for one another. Between these thoughts and
Brian’s tongue my cock is straining against the placket of my pants. It is
politely knocking, asking to be let out and I’m sure it will be kicking and
screaming momentarily.
I am standing here in front of him, letting him take me, letting him please me.
I have the power tonight and that is clear. For the longest time Brian always
had the power. No questions asked, no doubt about it. But after the bashing,
after I’d lived here with him for a while, I started to feel more comfortable.
I started initiating sex like Brian did. I started choosing where we were going
to fuck, how we were going to fuck, how long we were going to fuck. He would
let me to win little battles more and more. I started to climb the ladder of
our relationship, getting closer to where he was, getting closer to becoming
Brian’s equal. Then, a few weeks ago, the morning after Gary’s party…fuck I
hate thinking about that night…when I told Brian I’d quit dancing and wanted to
take him up on the loan offer…well that morning it all changed. Holy shit, I
can barely catch my breath now just thinking about it. Brian let me fuck him. I
always assumed that it would happen one day, but that I’d have to beg for it.
Something in that bed that morning, it made me strong, it made me confident,
and it had finally made me his equal. Asking Brian for help, admitting I needed
it. It changed everything. Suddenly the scales were tipped, I was no longer his
teenage tenant but his partner. I took the opportunity to show him that I knew
we were finally equals and the amazing part was he let me.
And god, it was so…fucking…hot. My temperature rises just thinking about it.
I knew fucking Brian was going to be the best sex I’d ever had. But it wasn’t
just that I got to slide my dick inside of him, touch him in a place I’d never
been, it was everything about that morning. We spent hours in bed, much longer
than we normally would. Brian and I are both insatiable when it comes to sex
but this was something else entirely. There was a magic happening between us
that morning. I made love to Brian and he made love to me and the emotions
running through us took us places we’d never been. I remember after we’d slept
the entire day away, post sex that is, I woke up to find him laying beside me,
eyes wide open with this little smile on this face. I’d never seen him look so
soft, so kind, so angelic. There was such a mix of emotion on his face I didn’t
know what to process first. He leaned in to kiss me and it was so soft and
sweet I sighed just from the tenderness of it. Then he said something I’ll
never forget, because for Brian it was equivalent to a profession of love. He
said to me, “Let’s stay in bed forever.” I had to choke back tears from it. The
tone in his voice, the smile behind his eyes, the way he so genuinely meant
that it was something he’d like to do. And I get to keep that, and replay it in
my mind whenever I need to remember that Brian loves me. Today, for instance, I
needed to remember…I desperately needed to remember. But now, here in his arms,
feeling him push into me and explore me, it is easy to remember.
I haven’t fucked Brian since that morning. I’ve had many fleeting thoughts in
the last few weeks about whether that was a one-time shot. I keep hoping
against hope the he’ll ask me to do it again. That is a tall order for Brian
Kinney. But, I can’t call his cards as well as I used to. Brian has some new
tricks up his sleeves these days, and he just might surprise me.
I push Brian back from me and he looks a little surprised until I rip his tank
top over his head and toss it to the ground. Then I grab the waist of his jeans
and pull him back to me. I’m in a rough mood. The aggression between us has
heightened the level of passion. The residual anger from how I felt toward him
earlier today still lingers under the surface. I suppose this is actually
makeup sex. Considering Brian and I have never been in a real fight, one where
I wanted to kill him (he has wanted to kill me many times), this is new…and it
feels good. Better than good.
I
think the thing about makeup sex, the reason it’s so hot and primal, is that
suddenly, because of some silly fight, you both realize that you might have
never had sex again. Had things gone another way this could have been the end.
If Brian hadn’t apologized, things would have escalated. We might have broken
up; I might have moved out, we might have never done it again. And yet, here we
are, in the same today…primed to fuck. But, nonetheless there was the chance
and because of that we need each other more now than we did before.
Brian runs his thumb forcefully down the zipper of my pants, making my cock
pulse even harder. He leaves his thumb pressed into my dick and he cups his
hand under my balls. Slowly, agonizingly he begins to rub my crotch. The
methodic rhythm has me arching my back and trying to suck in more air through
my nose as we kiss deeply. I finally tear my mouth from his and gulp in a huge
breath. Then I left out a soft moan. I smile at him as he moves his lips down
to caress my neck. I run my hand over the back of his head, through his soft
hair, pushing his face into my shoulder a little more. I take my free hand and
slide it down the back of his jeans. They are so form-fitting so my hand
struggles between his ass and the denim. I slip a finger into his crack and
hear him moan into my neck. We could both easily lose our pants at any moment,
but keeping them on, using them as a temporary barrier, is only making us
harder. Brian raises his head to kiss me again but I drop mine to suck on his
nipples. Pulling his left one into my mouth I twirl my tongue around, the way
he loves. I make my tongue hard, a little torture device, and I flick it back
and forth over his nipple until I can hear him panting and whimpering. Brian’s
nipples are really sensitive, much more so than mine, and I know exactly what
to do to drive him wild. Both of my hands are down the back of his pants now,
pushing and caressing and prodding and inspecting every inch of his ass. I keep
sliding a finger or two down between his cheeks. Letting the tips lightly brush
his hole, feeling him pucker in response. I keep flicking at his nipple. At
this point his hand is still cupping my crotch but he isn’t doing much, lost in
the moment, so focused on what I’m doing to him. And I love that, when his eyes
roll back in his head and I can hear how erratic his breathing is. I know he
loves every second of what I’m doing to him. Finally, because I’ve had enough
of them, I unzip his jeans and drop them to the floor. He steps out and kicks
them away. I smile at his nakedness and bite my lower lip.
“Your turn,” he says slyly as he yanks the Velcro closure open and pushes my
pants to my ankles. I step out of them and then grab his wrist. I start pulling
him toward the bedroom but he grabs me and wraps his arms around my waist
tight. Kissing me again, rolling his long tongue over my teeth and under my
tongue and across the insides of my cheeks. No one kisses like Brian. No one.
I start to step backwards, hoping to continue our journey to the bed, but Brian
doesn’t quite follow and I start to fall backwards a little. Brian pulls back
at me but I am too far gone. I stumble onto the steps and sit down with a thud.
Brian lands softly on top of me, breaking his fall with his outstretched arms.
My butt sore from where it smacked the second step, I start to laugh but his
lips smother mine and stop any audible sounds from escaping. Brian puts some
weight on me and I lean back to compensate. My back lies over the top step and
I can feel the hard edge leaving a mark in me. But I don’t mind, not one bit.
My legs drop open and Brian settles between them a little, our hard,
dripping cocks touching. Brian starts to lick down my neck again and then to my
chest. He heads straight down my stomach and flicks his tongue at my belly
button. I thrust my hips upwards to let him know what I want. My dick is in
serious need of attention.
Brian’s lips play in the hair above my dick and its tip presses into his neck,
making me yearn for more contact. I push my hips up at him again and wriggle
underneath his tight grip. His fingers are leaving imprints on my hips, where
he is holding me tightly in place. I whimper a little, to let him know I’m done
playing. He shows me that he’s listening by sucking the precum from the tip of
my cock. The quick, hard contact makes me jump a little. Warmth and wetness
swirl all around me as he takes me in. I suck in a breath so hard I shake as I
look down to see him, lips meeting my skin, dick completely gone from sight.
“Shit,” I let out as the breath pushes out of me. I can see the edges of his
lips pull up in a smile; he still knows how to get me.
Brain starts working his mouth up and down my shaft in slow, torturous tugs. His
hands shift between caressing my thighs and tugging lightly at my balls. I slow
my breathing and try to concentrate on this amazing sensation. I want it to
last, for a little while anyway. Letting his tongue trace shapes on the soft
skin, he runs it up and down from tip to base. Then he pulls me all in again,
this time there is more suction and I lift my hips from the step, thrusting
into him. I’m begging for him to give me some release. He must see that I need
it as he starts to suck me harder. Then suddenly he stops, takes his mouth away
entirely and starts to move up my body, licking his way to my mouth.
“Brian…” I say in such a whiney voice it makes him smile. “Please,” I add in a
husky, lust-filled voice. He shakes his head at me coyly, playing a little game
with me. He kisses me, once, deep and hard. Then his lips find my ear, “Fuck
me.” My heart skips a beat, maybe three. I heard him, I know I did. My dick
certainly did. I grab his face and start to kiss him madly. He must think I’ve
gone insane, but in the moment it is all I can do to not cum all over him just
from the thought of it. While we kiss I start to get up and he follows my lead,
pulling me from the stairs. We twist and spin and kiss and touch as we make our
way to the bed. I feel like I could lift off from where we stand, end up
somewhere outside of this world. Suddenly I am assured that I am Brian’s equal,
that he does love me, and that we are in a relationship. He’s never asked me to
do this. He’s never uttered those words. I’m drunk with thoughts of what I’m
about to do to him. This time around, knowing how good it is makes it more
intense than when I was just imagining it.
I break away from the kiss and stare at him, I need confirmation that this is
what he wants. After the day we had, I can’t say I’m so surprised. I’m sure he
feels like he owes me something, this is his penance to pay for the misplaced
jealousy he let fill his head. His eyes stare back into mine with a complete
look of resignation and satisfaction filling them. I push him backwards onto
the bed in one swift move. He smiles up at me. I pounce on top of him throwing
his arms above his head and locking his wrists to the bed. Kissing him hard,
our lips already sore, I bit down a little, letting him know I feel aggressive.
I tear away from him and crawl up the bed toward the nightstand. I can’t
believe my dick is as hard as it is. I look down, taking a visual survey of the
purple color it has turned and the amount of precum that is soaking the tip.
Fuck, I seriously need some relief. Grabbing the condom and the lube I turn
back around and Brian is on top of me. He grabs the condom and tears it open
with his teeth, a subtle reminder of the first time we did this. I smile as he
pulls the piece of latex out and starts to slide it on my dick. Once he does he
starts to roll on to his stomach, but stops first and looks at me. “Hard. I can
take it.” The words tumble out of him so honestly that I am caught off guard. I
manage a slight nod before he rolls himself over and sticks his ass in the air
a little. This role reversal, while wildly exciting, is making my head spin.
We’re breaking down so many walls each day, I’m not sure how we’ll ever clear
away all of the debris.
I
take a pillow and slide it under his hips, then I open his ass a little and
guide my throbbing dick toward his hole. In classic Brian fashion he is silent
as I begin to penetrate him. I can feel him trying to relax under me, taking me
inside of him with as much ease as he can. I push a little and then I remember
what he told me and I push harder. Forcing my cock in as deep as it will go
from this angle in the first try. He lets out a huff as the air escapes his
lungs. I see him put his head in his hands and I lean down with my dick
completely engulfed by his hole to kiss the back of his neck. I run my face
through his hair, taking in the scent of him. I love the way Brian smells. The
goo he puts in his hair has a light coconut scent, the cigarette he smoked an
hour ago lingers a little, the Jim Beam is always there, and his cucumber body
wash. The mix of these intoxicating scents, I could live inside them forever.
His hips push up against mine and giving his shoulder a little bite I brace
myself with a hand on either side of him and start moving in and out. He moves
to meet each of my thrusts. Within moments we are both panting from the work.
He wanted me to fuck him hard and I don’t deny him the request. I feel the
pleasure shoot straight from the tip of my dick through my entire body. My arms
shake underneath me and my knees struggle to keep me balanced over him. The
intense pleasure that I feel, being inside of him, is better than any drug. The
euphoria washes over me and I can hear Brian starting to whimper. I think how
badly his dick must need attention. Sliding my hand under him I grab it and
start to caress it. His hips move more deliberately now, fucking my hand. I
shift positions behind him slightly and it clearly hits the right spot inside
of him. I can feel my dick running over his prostate and he lets out a deep
moan. I hold it there, gripping his body to mine and then I very lightly start
to thrust against it, barely moving my dick out of him just pushing, pushing,
pushing on it. “Fuck…” the word barely gets past his lips. I know he loves
every second of this and that is what’s making it so amazing.
The air in the loft, around the bed, is getting wet and warm and smells of sex.
Our bodies are sweating as they move together in this dance. My senses become
so heightened when I’m inside Brian. I feel as though I can hear everything he
isn’t saying and see everything he isn’t doing. Inside of these thrusts, as his
back arches and his eyes scrunch up I can almost hear him say: I love you, I
need you. Fuck this feels so…damn…good.
My body starts to shake and I know that I won’t be able to hold this in much
longer. Brian continues to buck his hips, fucking my hand. He can last for so
long it still amazes me. I know most of the time he just cums because I do.
He’s taught me everything about restraint and making it last, but I still lose
it a lot sooner than he does. He can tell that I’m getting close. He always
knows, he reads my body so well. It is a small part of what makes him an
amazing lover, this sense he has of what you’re going to do before you know
you’re going to do it.
Deep, throaty, rough moans escape from him as he starts to cum into my hand. I
reach my left arm around his waist and hold myself to him as I keep my right
hand on his dick. As his muscles twitch and tense around me I can’t catch my
breath. The sensation is so much I feel like I could overflow from it. His
orgasm comes in long deep waves and his body is jerking under my hold in
response. His hole tries to force me out but I hold tight and relish every
second of the tight grip it has on my dick. Before Brian is even done cumming
my own orgasm takes me over. It sneaks up on me and shoots through me like
lightning. It is hard and fast and makes me jerk forward and fall on top of
him. In a heap on the bed all I can smell is sweat and sex and all I can hear
is rough, labored breathing and all I can see are black spots floating across
my eyelids and all I can feel is Brian’s hot, warm, slick skin underneath me.
Suddenly I realize that he is huffing more than he should be, probably because
I’m crushing him with my weight, so I start to roll away from his body. His
left arms flies back to stop me.
“No, not yet,” he whispers it like a child, pleading with a parent not to leave
their bedside. So I stay. I’m happy there. My dick still partially inside of him,
my body perched on top of his. I take my arms and slide them underneath him,
wrapping them around his chest to hold him tightly. I rest my head in the
center of his back and just listen to his heartbeat returning to a normal
rate.
Finally, after long moments have passed, he says to me, “Good?” The inflection
in the word clearly indicating that it is a question. “Very, very good.” I
reply with a sigh and kiss his back softly after I’ve said it. Now I finally do
roll off of him and dispose of the condom. I wipe up our cum and move around
arranging the bed back to an orderly state so we can sleep in it. Brian just
lies there, watching every move I make. He has almost a concerned look on his
face. “What?” I question the look. “Nothing…” he rolls on to his back and
reaches for a cigarette. Once lit he turns to me and offers up the traditional
post-coital treat. I take a drag and sneer, “We should quit this shit.” Eyebrow
raised he replies, “We? I’m an adult, I can kill myself if I want to…but you’re
still a growing boy. You really should quit.” He grabs the cigarette back from
me and smiles coyly as he nods sarcastically. To my surprise he leans over and
puts out the barely smoked cigarette. Then he rolls over close to me and wraps
an arm around me. He kisses my shoulder and then up to my lips. He slides on
top of me and starts to explore my mouth, he’s on a mission. My cock starts to
stir again, pressing up into his belly. Mission accomplished.
Roaming hands in full force and lips sucking on mine I can hear these low
little moans coming from inside of him. I know those moans. He wants to fuck
me. They are these soft, internal, half-sighs that he has. I don’t know if he
even hears them, but I do. They are my warning. I know what’s coming. And it’s
only making me harder. Suddenly he pulls out of our kiss and sits up on me. His
legs folded under him on either side of my waist. He looks at me, all of me,
some sort of general survey of my body. He seems to be searching my eyes for an
answer to something. Maybe he isn’t sure if I want him to fuck me. Rest
assured, I always want Brian to fuck me. As much as I love being inside of him,
as much as I hope to do it again very, very soon…there is nothing like the
feeling of Brian Kinney’s dick pushing past you in all the right places. Having
Brian inside of me, it’s a comfort I’ve grown to crave and cherish.
I smile up at him, this little angelic grin I save just for him. He knows that
I’m fully aware of what he wants. Lifting up to give me a range of motion he
says, “Roll over.” Then he slaps my hip and I start to rotate in compliance.
But then stopping me with his hand he leans down to kiss me one more time.
Then, staying close to my face he says quietly, “You don’t have to wait for me
to ask anymore.” My eyes get a little wide and then I slowly nod so that he
knows I understand. I feel a little strange as I turn over and pull a pillow
under my head.
Brian
just gave me permission to fuck him when I want to. The thought sends a shiver
down my spine that continues into my gut and sits there, tingling. I can feel
him kissing down my back, lightly licking my ass, tickling it. The emotions I’m
feeling now are almost too much. I have to push them out of my mind and focus
on what is happening in this bed, right now. I can’t think about how much has
changed, I can’t think about the things he’s said. All I can do is concentrate
on his warm, wet lips grazing the cheeks of my ass. I push my ass up into his
face, “Fuck me Brian. Fuck me…” I hear the cap on the lube flick open and I feel
the cool gel slide down my crack and into my hole. His fingers move inside me,
opening me to him. I push my face in the pillow and bite down. My eyes tightly
shut I have to concentrate so hard just to not think about all the things I
want to overanalyze.
Just be in this moment Justin, just be…
I think it over and over again like a mantra. Then I feel the tip of his dick
starting to enter me and I let out the breath I’d been holding. And suddenly I
can’t think of anything else but his dick pulsing inside of me, his hands
pressing on my hips, his lips caressing my back. Suddenly it is so easy to let
myself just be.
End
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