I wrote something...I don't know it is...post season 4 I guess. It contains
absolutely no spoilers for season 5.
He’s in a deep enough sleep that the ringing could be in his dream. But what
was he dreaming about? Fucking, surely. But who? Where? When? And why is his
phone ringing at the club. Fuck, it’s not part of the dream. Damn, his phone
is actually ringing. It must be 4am. Who is calling this late? Where did he
leave the phone? Fuck, someone has died. Wait, did he give more sperm away?
Is he having another child?
“Wha,” He mumbles into the receiver when he finally finds it on the floor next
to the bed.
“Hey you,” the voice is familiar even in this thick dreamy haze, but it’s too
chipper for whatever time it must be, even whatever time it is on the opposite
end of the country.
“Time s’it?”
“It’s late. I’m sorry I’m waking you up, but I need you to open the door.”
“You what?” Brian sits up fully now, trying hard to pull his mind fully into
a state of consciousness.
“I said, I need you to open the door.”
Brian shakes his head and tries to focus, he might still be drunk. This could
really be a dream. Or a hallucination.
“The door to what? Existence? Heaven? Are you on drugs? Am I on drugs?”
A laugh that he knows too well, that is pure and brilliant and unadulterated,
rumbles through the phone, but he hears it in stereo. He slides to the end of
the bed and stares at his own front door.
“Are you out there?” He’s starting to figure this out.
“Yes,” Justin is still laughing. “Open the door! I don’t have my key.”
“Why the fuck not?” Brian drops the phone and walks too quickly to the door.
He forgets to disarm the alarm, which blares in their ears as he jerks the door
open. He turns to the keypad and tries hard to remember what the fuck the code
is. Justin steps around him and punches in the correct combination of numbers
and suddenly there is silence.
Justin’s hair is longer and he smells different. But it is undeniably Justin.
“Hi,” Justin smiles and drops a duffle bag to the floor.
“Hi,” Brian’s naked and has a ridiculous look on his face. Something between
amazement and utter confusion.
“Hi,” Justin’s grin grows wider.
Brian looks him up and down and thinks the kid might have gotten taller - all
that goddamned sunshine. He wonders if anything else is bigger.
“So…” Justin hesitates, “You gonna fuck me or what?”
Brian steps closer, “I thought you’d never ask.”
And he’s on Justin like a predatory animal on a raw, bloody carcass.
**
Justin falls back on to the mattress with a heavy thud, something deep in the
guts of the mattress creeks and pops.
“Great, your big ass broke the bed your first night back,” Brian lights a cigarette.
“You missed my big ass,” Justin rolls over and slides a thigh over Brian’s stomach
and snakes a hand up his chest, sneakily pulling the cigarette from Brian’s
lazy fingers.
Brian watches Justin take a long drag, hold the smoke in for a moment and then
slowly exhale.
“It’s not a joint,” Brian laughs and steals it back.
“I just haven’t smoked in a long time, it reminds me of you.” Justin looks down,
his cheeks flushing a bit.
Brian smiles and continues to smoke, “What else did you miss about me?” He whispers
in Justin’s ear as he puts an arm around the boy’s rib cage and pulls him closer.
Justin looks up and smiles, “Well…” He starts and stops and suddenly a wave
of sadness falls over his face.
”Hey,” Brian leans down and kisses him, extinguishing the cigarette at the same
time. He rolls over on top of Justin and slides his body around until he’s covering
Justin completely. He kisses him and runs his fingers through Justin’s hair
until he feels him relax.
When they break the kiss, Justin’s eyes are wet and Brian realizes what’s going
on. “When are you going back?” He hopes his voice is only cracking in his imagination.
“Sunday night,” Justin looks away and his lower lip starts to tremble.
Brian holds him a little tighter and says softly, “Then you better cancel whatever
the fuck else you were doing this weekend. 48 hours is barely enough time for
all the fucking we’re going to do.”
Justin smiles and sniffs and puts on a braver face. Brian prays Justin can’t
hear him screaming on the inside.
**
Brian fucked Justin a fourth time, though he hadn’t planned to. It seemed the
easy way out of a painful conversation. He hates to see anyone cry, specifically
Justin. And if Brian’s learned anything, it’s that a dick in your ass will take
your mind off a lot of things.
After their final round he spooned behind Justin and let his cock get soft inside
of him. Justin fell asleep not long after and Brian stayed awake until dawn,
listening to Justin breathe.
**
The smell of brewing coffee wakes them both at 9am.
“Who’s here?” Justin’s voice sounds small and sleepy and confused and Brian’s
heart thumps from it.
“I got a new machine, it makes itself.”
“The coffee makes itself?”
“Yeah, you pour the beans in the back and set this timer, which is about as
complicated as launching a shuttle at fucking NASA, and it makes it and cleans
it up. I wish everything in my life was so trainable.” Brian pinches Justin’s
ass and they both laugh.
Then they both remember that Justin is going back to LA tomorrow. They get up
and pee and brush teeth in silence.
“So what are you doing today?” Brian hedges as he pours the coffee. He’s missed
the sight of Justin sitting naked at the bar with his hair sticking in all directions
and a yawn splitting his face open.
“I thought we were fucking all weekend?”
“Yes, well, I won’t keep you from your…other obligations.” Brian turns away
as he says it, pulling the sugar down from the cabinet and praying his voice
doesn’t sound as needy as he thinks it does.
Before he turns back to the counter he grabs cream from the refrigerator for
Justin (he buys it when he’s buying groceries, which isn’t so often these days,
just in case). Just as he’s about to set the carton down Justin is on him, wrapping
his arms around Brian’s waist.
Brian maneuvers them both the counter’s edge to set the cream and sugar down
before looking into Justin’s sleepy eyes.
Brian smiles. Justin smiles back.
Justin nuzzles Brian’s neck and kisses him lightly before speaking, “No one
else knows I’m here. You’re my only…obligation.”
Brian feels something inside of him swell; he’s not a big enough pansy to call
it his heart. He does, however, wrap his arms tighter around Justin’s waist
and sigh.
**
They fuck in the kitchen after they have their coffee. They fuck in the shower
to wash off the sugar they got all over their skin in the kitchen. They fuck
against the bathroom counter after they get out of the shower because the water
ran cold on them.
When they finally break to breathe Justin speaks. “Food?”
Brian replies, “Take out?”
Justin nods, “Delivery.” And then he gets up to go to the menu drawer where
he knows Brian keeps all acceptable food options stored in a manila folder labeled
“You’re a Fat Ass.”
**
They spend the weekend fucking and sleeping and eating things filled with MSG
that all taste basically the same, like sweet and sour relief.
When it’s time for Justin to catch his flight Brian insists on driving him to
the airport even though Justin offers to get a cab ten times. Brian stuffs five
hundred dollar bills in Justin’s wallet when he’s not looking and also packs
a dildo he knows Justin loves into the blue duffle bag by the front door, wrapping
it in a pair of his own underwear that make Justin ridiculously horny.
**
At the airport Brian stands at the window, mindful not to let his nose press
to the glass, until Justin is completely out of sight. He stands a moment longer
before taking the long walk back to the car.
On the drive home he calls Justin’s cell phone and leaves a message that says,
“I hear LA is nice this time of year. Perhaps I should come investigate.” He
knows Justin will hear I love you and I miss you and Brian’s okay
with that.
**
Brian will go visit Justin in LA in two short months. They’ll fuck for three
days and order greasy food that is delivered by even greasier men. They will
make plans to hit the beach and check out some new club where Justin’s on the
guest list, but they’ll never make it out Justin’s front door.
When Brian leaves for Pittsburgh Justin will watch him walk down the terminal
and disappear into the crowd and then he’ll wait until the plane is safely in
the air before he drives home. He’ll call Brian and leave a message that says,
“Thank you for coming. I love you. I miss you.” And Brian will hear I will
always come home to you and Justin’s okay with that.
Feedback to throughthelens78@yahoo.com