Astonishing

218 Gap filler featuring Justin and Ethan

Justin’s POV

Rating: NC 17

WARNING: If you hate Ethan (call him a plot device, a home wrecker, scream when he comes on screen) - I highly suggest you skip this one:)

What the fuck am I doing here? I have no clue how my feet took me out of the loft to the street below, all the way to his apartment building, up four flights of stairs and down this dark, dank hall. Don’t know anything anymore. Just go home, turn around and walk away right now. Why are you even here? I have no fucking answer for myself. All I know is I need to be in a room with someone who wants me to be there, and wants to be there with me.

I can hear the sweet, swift strokes across the strings of his violin as they float through the door that is separating us. They make me feel so close to him. I lean my forehead against the door and listen for a minute more and then decide to knock. I’ve just come to collect my song. The one he promised me for my drawing. That’s all I’m here for. One song. I’ll be back home in half an hour, before Brian ever gets home from work. Not a big deal. Just knock on the fucking door.


I start knocking, he keeps playing, I continue to knock and he continues to play. I finally pound on the damn door with some desperate desire to be let in now that I’ve made up my mind this is what I want, the song I mean. He finally ceases playing. He flings open the door, I hear him say something harshly as he walks across his apartment, I hope he isn’t angry with me.

The door flies open and I greet his surprised gaze with an apology.

“I’m sorry.”

”No, it’s okay I was just…I thought you were my asshole neighbors, they’re always complaining whenever I play too much.”

“They complain? They’re fucking lucky.”

“I wish you could tell them that. Someday they’ll be paying 100 bucks a ticket to hear me.”

“So, I’m the lucky one.”

I pause for a long moment that is almost dramatic and then add, “I came for my song.”

He stares a long time at me after I’ve said it. This is clearly not what he thought I came for. “Right,” he finally says as a big smile takes over his beautifully angular face. I watch his deep eyes penetrate me a moment longer and then he turns around to get his violin.

I take a seat on his new couch and my biceps almost ache at the site of it. Carrying it up all of those flights of stairs wasn’t easy. But I liked helping Ethan. And this place is so cool, full of found things that he has turned into a wonderfully eclectic decor. Everything cast off by someone else, but taken in and loved by him. Maybe I belong here too.

He asks me what I want to hear, “Something technically astonishing?” I shake my head almost imperceptibly, that wasn’t what I’d had in mind at all, “No, something astonishingly romantic.” His face softens around my words as he bites his lower lip and he takes in the “romantic” part and lets it marinate momentarily before picking up his bow and placing it to the strings. I know no matter what he has chosen to play it will be both astonishing and romantic.

After the first ten notes the music is lost to me. I can’t hear anything but my heart about to beat out of every inch of my body. I try to close my eyes to focus on the notes, but it isn’t helping. I can’t stand not looking at him and I open them again immediately. The way Ethan plays makes my blood rise to the surface of my skin, makes my cheeks hot and my stomach tight and my eyes water and my lips red. When he plays his violin all I can do is watch his eyes close and his hands move and try to suppress my thousand desires to be the instrument he is playing.

I get up from the couch and start to walk toward him. Lost in his sonata, eyes closed, he doesn’t see me approaching at first. It isn’t until my shoe presses into his mattress, propped up from the floor on a wooden crate acting as a makeshift box spring, that his eyes slowly open. I’m only inches from him now. The same height, we are eye to eye, lip to lip, dick to dick, in this position. He plays on, but I lean in, and then he stops. His violin in his left hand and his bow in his right, they each drop to his sides as he waits for my next move. I can see by the look in his eyes he is more sure what that will be than I am. But, he waits for it. We both know it has to be my decision; I have to be the one to move first.

I honestly for a moment try to think of Brian. Some image to stop myself from doing what I’m about to do. If I could think of Brian saying something sweet, doing something wonderful, showing me he cared, then I wouldn’t let things with Ethan go any further. I rack my brain, searching every dark corner of it. There has to be something here, some amazing memory that will knock me back into reality. I finally see something, Brian looking beautiful – as always – walking out the night before we were supposed to leave for Vermont. No real explanation, no real apology. Just an “I have business to take care of” and a door sliding shut in my face. Fuck, that was not the image I needed to conjure up at this moment.

Instead of pulling me away from Ethan the image pushes me to him. I lean in close and our lips touch, slowly and softly, for the first time. The electricity radiating between us sends shock waves through my body. The heat emanating from him hits me like a wall when we lean in close. His lips barley graze mine, but in that moment I can sense what an amazing lover he will be. And I’m done, my walls are down, me senses gone. My morals have checked out, the rules have left the building. I want him.

His bow drops to the bed with a little thud and his free hand slides around my neck. We start to kiss again, deeply, passionately, madly. Our lips press so hard I’m sure my teeth will cut through and make them bleed. Ethan’s mouth exploring mine is the most ethereal thing I’ve felt in a long time. The urgency, the need, the passion, the unpredictability of where his tongue will go, what his hand will do…there are no words to describe how he’s making me feel.

He pulls back from me, I look at his face. We both hesitate and share a look of knowing we are doing something wrong. Somehow Ethan giving me that look, letting me know somehow that he understands what it is taking for me to make this mistake…makes it easier to make. He gingerly sets his prized possession down on the floor beside the bed. The tender move to protect the instrument makes me realize he intends to ravage me on this bed. My dick stirs in my pants in response.

Turning his face back to me, with both hands now free, he leans in for another kiss. But, instead of kissing me he takes the zipper of my shirt into his fingers and slowly slides it all the way down. Both of our eyes on his hands, he slips them into the open front of my shirt and places his warm, soft palms on my stomach. He runs them up my chest and over my nipples, past the nape of my neck and up to my face. I raise my eyes to look at him as his hands come to rest on my neck. The way he is holding me is soft and sweet and with one final look he wants to know if I’m sure this is what I want. I kiss him again.

His lips are soft and red and full and taste like a mixture of raw sugar and vanilla. If I’m going to break the rules, this is the way to do it. And I’m really only breaking the kissing rule and bending the others. This is the only time I’m going to sleep with Ethan. He’s just a friend. But with his hands pushing my shirt off and his tongue inspecting the deepest interior of my mouth, I’m not so sure this is a one-time deal, even as I’m telling myself that it is.

I lean over him and he lies back in the mattress. Pushing my shirt back over my shoulder his lips run across my skin, leaving a warm wet trail. I dip my head into his neck and nibble just lightly on him. He tastes so good. So different from Brian, but so wonderful at the same time. Kissing back up my shoulder and neck he meets my lips again. I missed them in the moments they were gone.

He takes my shirt off completely and I start to unbutton his. My hands shake and we both notice. He puts his fingers on top of mine and helps with each of the buttons. His eyes show a mixture of concern and lust. I can tell the latter is quickly taking over and he rolls on top of me and starts to kiss me deeply again. Our bare skin touching for the first time, I suck in a deep breath and tip my head back as he starts to kiss my chest. Every inch of me is getting attention from his lips. He finally lands on my left nipple and start to tease and torture me with little bites and tongue swirling. I look down at him. I angle my head to try and get a better look at his body. It’s amazing. I see his biceps and triceps flex in his arms as he strokes me, all that violin playing keeps him toned. I catch a glimpse of his near-washboard stomach as he arches to the side to lick me, my dick stirs again.

I grab his face and bring it back up to me, kiss him deeply and with purpose. I needed to taste his tongue again. In a way this feels like a dream and I’m spending every second reminding myself it is quite real. I roll on top of him and change the control. I pin his arms above his head and start to lick and kiss him the way he did me only moments ago. With my arms outstretched far above me I crane my neck to get down to his stomach and I kiss him there and lightly lick his belly button. I can see his dick straining for release beneath his black pants.

Releasing his arms, which immediately grasp the back of my head and run through my hair, I rip open his pants and stick my hand in to find his cock. It’s bigger than I thought it would be. I catch his eye as my head dips down to kiss around it. His eyes are smiling at me and his mouth falls open in anticipation of the moans that will need to escape momentarily. I let my lips run through his dark, curly hair. It isn’t trimmed and perfect like Brian’s, but wild and unruly. Somehow I like that, it suits him. I slowly stroke him and kiss his crotch as I use my free hand to push his pants away entirely. When he is completely naked to me I sit up a little and lean back to soak him all in. Arms spread wide and with a devilish grin he says to me, “Like what you see?” I nod and bite my lower lip. He’s absolutely beautiful, and he knows it. Reminds me of someone else I know.

He sits up suddenly and puts his hand on the waist of my pants to let me know he’s ready for them to come off. But with a still hand he stares at me, awaiting approval. I shift my weight to be closer to him, as a sign that he can proceed. Like every moment before this one I think, 'This is your last chance to back out Justin.' And just like each time the thought has flown through my mind before, I don’t consider stopping even for a second.

He pulls my pants down and very indiscreetly takes a long, hard look at my dick. Completely hard and primed for pleasure it stares right back at him. “Like what you see?” I return his amusing quip, but my attempts at self-confidence come off as completely nerve racked.

He laughs a little and says, “Absolutely.”

There is so much lust in his eyes and passion in his voice that I immediately lunge into him. Our lips meet again and we’re kissing and rolling and touching and sucking and grabbing and moaning. Everything feels so good I don’t ever want it to stop.

Grinding into one another, I begin to wonder who is going to fuck who. I hadn’t really had a chance to think about it. Then, as if reading my mind, Ethan drops his lips to my ears and whispers, “I want to make love to you.” I don’t know if it is because he didn’t use the word fuck or just because I really want him inside of me, but I decide to let him. I purr in response, “Yes, yes, yes…” and trail off as I roll over. Getting a condom from a box on the floor beside his bed I can hear him rip it open and put it on. My whole body shakes as I wait to find out what he’ll feel like, how he’ll move, what he’ll do to me. I’ve never had anyone except Brian inside of me. And the anticipation and fear mix in my gut and lay tingling there.

He kisses down my spine to just above my ass. He hovers there…waiting…waiting for me to need him. And I desperately do. I shove my hips back toward him a little and whimper into the pillow I've pressed against my face. I take a deep breath with my nose touching the soft flannel sheets on his bed. They are filled with the odor of him, many nights before this when he laid in this bed alone. I can smell his very distinct, almost musky scent trapped in this pillow, and it makes me want him more. “Ethan…” I plead. And with the sound of his name he takes his cock and presses it into my hole, just the tiniest bit.

He holds it there, stiff and strong and pulsing. He lays his body over mine and takes my left hand with his and interlaces our fingers. His lips at my ear again, he whispers, “Tell me you want me.”

“I want you.”

He sinks in deep and holds still inside of me. I let out a low moan that is almost a gasp. I wince a little from the width of his dick as it opens me. “Okay?” he asks before proceeding. I hum a little and nod in response.

He starts a slow, deep rhythm in me that is excruciating and phenomenal all at the same time. He kisses me and touches me and whispers sweet things to me and never stops his perfect rhythmic thrusting. I concentrate carefully on the way his dick feels…different. The way it presses past all the right places inside of me, the way it feels rubbing against my prostate, how deep it goes, how wide it is. The newness is amazing. I’m taking deep breaths and concentrating hard, not wanting to come too soon. I need to wait for him to get there, and judging by his pace I think Ethan’s not looking to get this over with quickly.

“I love your skin…” he whispers as his hands brush the expanse of my back and he kisses every inch of it. “And the way you smell…” he breaths deeply into the nape of my neck. “And your hands…” he takes the one he’s been holding and brings it to his lips, kissing each finger. “I want to look at you…” With his last comment I stop my undulating beneath him. I know what he means, Brian has said the exact same thing to me before. But, unlike when I’ve heard it before, I’m not so eager to flip around and fuck face-to-face. I’ve already done so much. Gone so far. Can I let him watch my face as the guilt tries to run and hide? Can I let him look into my eyes and see the fear flash through them?

He places a hand on my hip in preparation to rotate me. I let him. Unsure of what to do, unwilling to deny him anything. His dick pulls out of me momentarily, he slides it back in and my legs lock behind his back. He kisses me now, deeper than before, slower than before. The rhythm begins again, but now he’s moving a little faster. He slides a hand between us and takes my dick into his warm, slick fingers. Moving my precum around he starts to pump up and down on it. My back arches and I whimper in response. He starts to suck my neck and pump even harder. “Come for me…” he whispers and then locks his eyes on mine. With him watching my every move I start to suck in air, having trouble breathing from the guilt weighing heavy on my chest. This feels so incredible, how can it be so wrong?

“Come on baby…” he pleads again. I love how much he talks to me. All the sweet and sexy things he’s said. His pace increases and my legs fall further apart as he delves deeper. His eyes roll back in his head a little and he starts to moan. I can tell he’s incredibly close and holding out for me to go first. My back presses so deeply into the old mattress I can feel the wood grate below. He leans into me again, never slowing down, and starts to kiss me again. It is his tongue that tortures me more than anything and I finally start to come. I can feel it start deep within me, slowly working out of me until my body jerks uncontrollably. His hand never stops pumping and I can feel each muscle in my hole grasp his dick as each wave rushes over me. I can hear myself screaming, but I’m far away. It’s like hearing it through a tunnel, the mix of moans and words swirling in the air, the sound is so distant. He starts to come before I’m done and our bodies writhe and fight and roll and buck on the bed together. I hear the grate creaking underneath us. The wood planks screaming for relief.

Spent and panting and sweating and in a post-sex haze, we roll into one undistinguishable ball on the bed. He’s on top of me, but not as heavy as Brian, and not restricting my breathing. I fold my head into the side of his neck where it has come to rest. I let my lips touch the base of his hair, now damp from sweat. He tastes sweet and salty and satisfied. Finally rolling off of me, he pulls the sheet up from the base of the bed and fans it out on top of our naked bodies. He slides in close to me and hooks and arm around my waist. Kissing my shoulder gently he says, “Thank you.” I close my eyes and say nothing. I have no reply. He’ll want to steal that thanks back soon enough, but I’ll let it float in the thick air above this bed of lies for now.

End

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