All Shook Down

Gale/Randy RPS

NC-17 

Featuring Vince

 
Listen, I’m not condoning incest. I mean, this is the shit that lands you in a straight jacket or on Jerry Springer and neither place is somewhere I want to be (though the former could be interesting given the right circumstances). Anyway, how I ended up sleeping with my brother is irrelevant. It’s the why that will get you. And I guess to make anyone even sort of understand how this all happened you have a working knowledge of two things: my relationship with Vince (my brother) and my relationship with Randy (this guy I work with).

**

I’m not gay. Or I wasn’t gay. Or I’m not gay. But I’ve fucked a few guys so I’m not straight. I don’t fucking know. Bisexual, heterosexual, homosexual, transsexual, metrosexual …notice the shit all ends in the word sexual. I’m sexual. That’s what I am, I’m sexual.

So, Vince is my older brother. He’s me, but he’s funnier and taller and a little more fucked up. He smokes two packs a day and fucks anything that catches his eye (and it doesn’t take too much to catch Vince’s eye). But he’s a good guy, a really good guy. Growing up he was all I had and I turned out okay. I guess.

I work on this television show, it’s a gay drama. And well, I guess the writing was on the wall, wasn’t it? I play a fucking gay Casanova on TV so maybe fucking a guy was inevitable. And I don’t mean fucking my brother, I’m not saying gay guys are prone to incest, that apparently only applies to me. I’m also not saying “the gay” fucking rubbed off on me, so don’t go running back to the Republicans. It just woke me up, or rather kicked me in the face until I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I guess doing this just made me open my eyes and go ‘yeah, a little dick could be okay’. Am I saying every guy is gonna fuck another guy? No. Am I saying every guy should fuck another guy? Well…maybe.

**

I was eating strawberry shortcake and contemplating suicide when Vince called.

“Hewwow,” I had a mouthful.

“G? What up! It’s me, listen I’m at the airport and I don’t have any cash.”

“Airport? What airport?”

“Toronto bitch! I’m freezin’ my nuts off, hurry up.”

“Hurry up what? I thought you were in Uganda.”

“Hurry up and get me. Yeah, that thing fell through.”

“I have to finish my strawberry shortcake but uh, I’ll be there in half an hour.”

“Fuck.”

“What?”

“What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean what’s wrong?”

“You’re eating shortcake. Are you suicidal or what?”

“Suicidal?”

“Jesus, Gale, you eat that shit like every time you want to kill yourself. Don’t do anything fucked up. I’ll be there in a minute.” Twenty minutes later my front door flung open and Vince walked in with a duffle bag and a small monkey under one arm. I sat on the couch, finishing my shortcake and contemplating where the monkey was going to sleep.

Vince sat down next to me with a thud and a big sigh, “What the fuck is up? Did I get here just in time or what!”

I pointed to the monkey, which was sitting quietly in my armchair eating one of those miniature bananas, “What the fuck is that?”

“Don’t change the subject by bringing Vincent into this…”

“Vincent?”

“Yeah, listen, you have to tell me what is wrong, bro. Oh and you got any pot? I haven’t smoked since I left Uganda.”

“But your name is Vincent…”

“No, my name is Vince. Pot?”

“Box,” I pointed to a small wooden box on my coffee table. Vince rolled a joint and I licked my spoon.

“What are you doing here,” I tried to pet the monkey but it wasn’t having it.

“The thing was over, didn’t really have a next stop so I thought I’d come stay with you for a while.”

“Of course you did.”

“Mom says you’re on TV now and shit! How cool is that? I knew you’d be famous, you’re hot!”

“I look just like you.”

“Exactly. Lighter?”

I lit the joint, he inhaled, the sickly sweet smell of weed filled the air. I breathed it in and relaxed. Somehow when Vince was around, even though my life became a three-ring circus, shit always got better. I don’t know how, but he always made it better.

We smoked and said nothing for a long time. When Vince was high, Vince was normal. I waited for him to get good and toked before I told him why I wanted to jump off the top of my building.

“So I fell in love with a guy I work with.” I kept looking straight ahead and the terribly white wall of my living room.

“So?”

“Dude, hello, straight. Woman fucker, pussy lover, girl chaser, slave to the female. Not too comfortable with the whole craving the dick thing.”

“Why not? Don’t you play some super gay on some gay TV show? That’s what mom said when I called to tell her about the thing with the peacocks. I just assumed you were finally coming out. You were one gay little kid.”

“I’m not coming out. I’m not gay. I wasn’t a gay kid! I just…what the fuck happened with peacocks?”

“You’re a guy in love with a guy, Gale. That’s the definition of gay. I plucked some feathers, apparently that’s frowned upon, did some jail time, no big deal.”

“You did jail time in Uganda?”

“Yeah. So what are you gonna do about this? And who is this guy? I mean, you’ve known him for what, two seconds, are you sure you love him? Maybe he’s just hot and you need a little dick. It’s been a long time comin’ bro. Just go pick up some random guy and get it out of your system. You’ll feel better.”

“His name is Randy. He is not just some guy, he’s my costar, the one my character is in love with on the show. He’s like, amazing. He’s also my best friend. And I’ve known him for almost three fucking years. Time does not stand still when you leave the continent. And I don’t even know if I want to fuck him, but I want to something him.”

“You want to fuck him. Look at you, you’re a fucking idiot over this guy. The shortcake and the glasses? You only wear your glasses when you think they’ll give you insight into some situation in your life that is utterly fucked up. We’re going to have to take care of this. Where does he live?”

Vince stood up, grabbed Vincent, and headed for my front door as if we were, in fact, going to confront Randy about my secret love for him right this second.

Luckily Randy was in Las Vegas with his boyfriend.

“He’s not even in the country, retard. Sit the fuck down. And do something with your monkey. Is he housetrained?”

“Yes, SHE is. Don’t worry about Vincent, she’s great, like having a kid or something…but better. So when does this joker get back? I can’t have you chubbing up over shortcake and getting all crazy over him.”

“I work with him. I see him everyday. We get naked on camera together. We even spend like shitloads of time together when we’re not at work. Randy’s my closest friend.”

“You are so fucked, G. Wait, you get naked on camera?”

“Yeah, there’s sex on the show.”

“Mom didn’t say it was porn! Rock the fucking show, man.” He tries to give me a high five but I just stare at him.

“It’s not porn, it’s a drama. But it’s on cable so there’s sex.”

“So you’ve seen this guy naked.”

“About four hundred times.”

“Shit! So you know he’s got the goods. You so want to fuck him. You want to fuck him so bad you can taste it. You want to fuck him so bad it keeps you up at night! You want to fuck him so bad –“

“Vince! Shut the fuck up!”

”Sorry. Seriously, we’ll handle this. You’ll invite him over when he gets back from wherever and I’ll feel out the situation. I bet he’s into you too.”

“He has a boyfriend.”

“He’s gay too?”

“He is gay. I am not.”

”Riiiight. So what’s he like?”

“He’s uh, he’s smart. He’s really funny. He’s a little strange, but that’s what I like about him. We talk about odd books and old albums and eastern European politics. He just knows shit, and he gets me.”

“And that ain’t easy, my friend. I’ve been trying to get you my whole fucking life.”

Vince smiled at me, this big, open, slightly fucked up smile and I realized there was no turning back.

**

Four days later Randy was back from Vegas and we were on set shooting another lame ass ‘do you love me’ scene where we skirt around the issue of whether or not Brian loves Justin, when he so clearly does. We read the lines, we did the make out, we got congratulated on another compelling emotional display and then we went for pizza.

I told Randy about Vince and Randy instantly wanted to meet him. I knew he would.

“Come over tonight, we’ll get fucked up and play Trivial Pursuit or some shit.”

Randy laughed. I loved it when he laughed. “Sounds great.”

Three hours later he was at my front door, carrying the Trivial Pursuit Music edition under one arm and a case of beer under the other. It’s a wonder I hadn’t asked him to marry me yet.

Vince came out of the kitchen with a towel around his waist, holding Vincent in one hand a baby bottle in the other.

“Randy!” Vince yelled as he crossed the room. Randy looked genuinely frightened.

I introduced them. Randy went for the handshake but Vince pulled him into a bear hug practically smothering the monkey between them.

“I have to finish feeding Vincent, I’ll be right back.” And Vince was gone.

“Vince named his monkey Vincent?” Randy popped a beer and opened the game.
I nodded, “I’ve told you about him, that can’t be a surprise.” Randy laughed as he unpacked the board and cards from their box.

“How was Vegas,” I braced myself for the ‘Joe is so amazing’ speech that was sure to come.

“It was good,” was all he said. I think I almost swallowed my tongue.

“Good?”

“Good. It was Vegas. You know it’s not my thing, but Joe loves to gamble and see shows and shit so I go cause it makes him happy.”

“How is Joe?”

“Who the fuck is Joe?” Vince came barreling into the room in a Hypercolor tank top and baggy pants, he’d apparently been filming a bad 80s music video in his bedroom.

Randy looked him up and down and tried not to laugh, “Beer?” He offered and then explained, “Joe’s my boyfriend. We were in Vegas this weekend and your brother was asking me how it was.”

“Ah!” Vince sat down on the couch between Randy and I, in the two inches of space there was there. “And how was it?”

He drank his whole beer in the three seconds it took Randy to formulate and answer.

“Nice. We had fun, lost money, drank too much, avoided the buffets.”

“Avoided the buffets? I love the buffets in Vegas! That’s the only reason to go. That and the hookers.”

Randy looked at me with wide eyes and we both looked at Vince, who’d opened a second beer and was riffling through the Trivial Pursuit cards. “What was the last album of original material released by The Replacements?”

Vince screwed up his face and said, “Who the fuck are The Replacements?” just as Randy and I chimed, “All Shook Down.”

Vince looked from me to Randy and back and then gave a full-bellied laugh before slapping me on the back, “You do belong with this kid, man!”

I think I blushed for the first time in my adult life.

**

Part 2

The rest of the night went as smoothly as it could, considering.

I walked Randy to the door as Vince screamed, “Don’t be a donkey, love me long time!” over the Rusted Root CD he was dancing to in the living room. Somewhere around the third joint and eighth beer Vince had stopped making any sense at all.

“So that’s my brother,” I smiled at Randy as he stood, half in and half out of my house.

“That’s your brother.” He nodded and let out a small laugh.

“I’d say he’s not always like that, but well he is.”

“I like him,” he smiled and something in my gut turned warm and fluid.

“Yeah, I like him too.”

“I rarely meet original people anymore.”

I looked up as Randy said that, our eyes locked. I knew we were thinking the exact same thing.

When I went back into the living room Vince was lying on the couch with Vincent on his belly. She was a cute monkey.

“Okay, first of all you are going to have to learn how to fuck to score that piece of ass. You didn’t say he was fucking hot, man! His ass goes on for miles. And he looks fucking fourteen. And that hair. Jesus, Gale, I might have to fuck him.”

“No, you absolutely are not fucking him. You and that bisexual shit.”

“Bisexual is the only way to be baby. Why am I gonna deny half the population Vince lovin’?”

“I’m going to bed.”

“You better be going to learn how to suck a dick. I’m serious. Work it out. Work. It. Out.”

I went to bed and jerked off twice. I wasn’t exactly working ‘it’ out but I was working something out.

**

“I have had sex, Vince! A lot of sex. I’ve had kinky sex and three-way sex and drunk sex and rough sex. I have had SEX!”

”But you haven’t had gay sex. You have not had sex with another man. You just have no clue, man! You are gonna be a scared little girl when it gets down and dirty. Randy isn’t fooling around, he’s been fucking dudes forever. You have to work it out. Work. It. Out.”

“Quit telling me to work it out. I’m not going to go fuck some random guy just to be ready for maybe possibly one day fucking Randy.”

“Maybe, possibly, nothing. He wants you bad. Bad. He’s just waiting for you to fucking do something about it. His mouth fucking waters when you walk into a room. You could be fucking his tight little ass right now if you weren’t standing here being a little whiny bitch with me.”

I fell to my knees on the floor of my kitchen and threw my hands in the air, “I fucking hate you!” I’m sure I screamed loud enough for a couple of neighbors to notify the police.

Vince’s eyes lit up, “But you’re about to love me. I just had the best fucking idea.”

“What?”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow.” And he left the room carrying a turkey leg and a six-pack of Shasta.

**

In the dark haze of deep sleep you are given a little leeway when it comes to good judgment. So I’ll just say that his mouth could have been anyone’s for at least the first three minutes.

I felt a warm tongue working its way up my shaft and over the head of my swelled dick. I felt a strong hand grip me at the base and start to jerk me off. I felt my hips rise off the bed and my blood start to heat up under the surface of my skin.

When my breathing got erratic I realized I was awake, and when a finger went up my ass, I realized that I wasn’t alone. I’d like to say that I didn’t know what was going on, but that would be a lie.

My thighs spread and my dick got harder than I could remember it getting in my adult life. Another finger was in my ass and I was panting. Everything was foggy and surreal, I kept thinking Randy knew where I hid my spare key. I’d told him long ago to let himself whenever he wanted to.

In fact, this was like a million fantasies I’d had, since I started having fantasies about Randy. He would show up in the middle of the night, let himself in, crawl into bed with me, wake me with deep kisses and fuck me senseless. He never spoke, he never asked for permission, he just did exactly what he wanted with me. With my dick bumping the back of a constricting throat and my ass getting worked over my a few thick fingers, I was willing to blur the lines of reality and let them bleed into those fantasies.

I came with a roar, flashes of light behind my eyelids, a deep arch in my back and three aftershocks that made my skin tingle and my spine shake. In my dreams Randy always poked his head out from under the sheet at that point and I pulled him to me, sucking his tongue and tasting myself there.

It wasn’t really the same when Vince slapped my thigh and said, “See, you want a dick up your ass, you really, really do.” I’m pretty sure I stopped breathing when he started talking and when his face appeared in front of mine, maniacal smile and all, I know my heart stopped.

I closed my eyes and put my head under a pillow, “I’m going to puke.” I was trying to smother myself. I figured suffocating wouldn’t be so bad.

“Dude, it’s not like I can knock you up and stick you with you a web-foot baby or anything! We’re both guys, no harm done.”

“I feel dirty.”

“Gay sex is dirty, that’s why it’s great!”

“And incest is twenty shades of wrong. I am going to puke.”

“Get over yourself, you liked it. You pretended it was him anyway. You’re gonna be good at the gay sex thing…you’re gonna be fine.”

I knew, deep down, Vince doesn’t want to bend me over and fuck me and that in his mind this really was a good idea.

“So, you wanna try sucking mine now?”

“Vince!” I hoped off the bed and headed for the bathroom.

I closed the door and locked it. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself for a long time. And trust me, it’s pretty hard to look yourself in the eye when your brother just sucked your dick.

Then I splashed my face with cold water and took a piss. When I got back to my room Vince was passed out face down in the middle of the bed with Vincent curled up on the middle of his back.

**

I told Randy over beers at a shit hole bar we liked to frequent because no one bothered us, in fact we were fairly sure they had no clue who we were.

“Another?” I nodded to him, we’d been sitting there for a few hours late on a Wednesday night, we’d each already had one too many considering someone had to drive soon.

“Yeah,” he smiled at me in a strange way. Something about the way the corners of his mouth curved up made me feel like the moment of truth was upon me. It was do or die time.

“I want to sleep with you?” It came out like a question as I motioned for the bar tender to pour us two more. The fat bastard eyed me critically and I struggled not to comment on the fifth he’d been sipping on all night when he thought the patrons weren’t looking.

“You what?” Randy nearly spit up the beer he’d just swallowed.

I looked down into the tiny bit of amber-colored liquid and foam that swirling at the bottom of the glass. “You heard me,” I said quietly, refusing to look him in the eyes.

”Look at me,” his voice got stronger.

I waited a minute and then did as he requested.

We stared at each other as our new beers were served, we stared at each other as we drank them, we stared at each other as every other person in the bar filed out and went home to their wife, their husband, their lover, their cat. We stared at each other until Frank, the drunk behind the bar, told us we had to get the fuck out so he could go home to his Jack Daniels.

“We should go,” Randy said quietly.

I nodded and left a few twenties on the bar, then I followed him into the parking lot. We’d met at the bar after a late shoot and we stood on the asphalt, just a shade darker than the sky, staring at the only two cars left in the lot.

“I should get home,” he shuffled his feet and played with his car keys.

“Or you could come home with me,” to this day I have no clue how I mustered the courage for that invitation.

“I could,” he looked up and I’d swear he was almost smiling.

“You should,” suddenly my confidence had come back.

**

The tires squealed as I slammed on the brakes at the end of my driveway, Vince had been lying on the concrete staring at the sky.

I jumped out of my truck, “What the fuck are you fucking doing, I could have killed you asshole!”

Vince stood up and looked at me and then over at Randy, gingerly standing behind the open door of the truck looking through the glass not unlike one would at the primate exhibit at the zoo.

A huge smile spread across Vince’s face, “ I was just consulting the gods about our little situation here,” he wagged a finger back and forth between Randy and I, “and I see that the chanting worked.”

”Chanting?” Randy and I said simultaneously.

Vince nodded, “Don’t you worry about it. You can thank me later,” then he headed inside with a victorious smirk on his face.

It didn’t occur to me until days later that he’d been wearing a pink t-shirt with “Child of the 80s” on the front and Molly Ringwald on the back.

**

Randy and I went inside, I had a feeling he wanted to run screaming from the dysfunction that was my relationship with Vince (and he didn’t even know the half of it at that point), but his car was in a bar parking lot ten miles away.

We went into the kitchen and when I offered him a drink. He drank the large glass of orange juice slowly (he always asks for weird shit when you offer him a drink). I tried to busy myself with dishes and wiping the counter top (Vince had a habit of making Kool-Aid and leaving pounds of sugar on every flat surface).

“How the fuck do you think this is going to work?” Randy asked suddenly after I’d cleaned every available surface more than once.

“I don’t have a clue,” I shrugged and turned to look at him. Then I sighed and added, “I just can’t go on pretending I want to be fucking pals and hang out and have beers and play cards.”

“You don’t like hanging out?” He sounded genuinely hurt.

“I do…I do…it’s just, well I need to get this fucking crush I have out of my system.” I don’t know why I said it like it was something awful that I needed to deal with, it just came out that way. I tend to fuck up on the really important stuff and that moment was no different.

“A crush?” The look on his face said it all.

“No, no,” I shook my head so fast my brain rattled around in my skull. “Not a crush, a thing, a feeling, I fuck…”

He was backing away from me, I couldn’t even handle the way I felt for one more second.

So I kissed him. I grabbed his shoulders and shoved my tongue in his mouth and didn’t stop until he was shoving his hands against my chest and gasping for air.

“Jesus, Gale,” he panted.

“It’s that. That’s the feeling. That’s how I feel. It’s suffocating and impossible, but kind of great.”

He just nodded and tried to even out his breathing. “Okay, okay.” He said matter of factly.

“Okay, what?”

And then he smiled, this perfect, huge, happy smile.

“Okay I feel that way too.” He took my hand and led me to my bedroom.

He turned to me when we were in the room, “Let’s see what this is, if it’s real, you know?” He closed the door and turned on the light. I reached behind him and turned it off. He reached out and turned it back on.

“Oh no, I wanna see this,” he laughed. I laughed too and then everything seemed okay.

I wasn’t sure who was going to fuck who or how this was going to happen so I just stood there like a mute and let Randy direct the scene.

He laid me on the bed and climbed on top of me, smiling all the while.

”Have you done this before?” He whispered as he drug his warm, wet lips down my neck.

I shiver and answered, “Not really.”

“Good,” he bit my collarbone and took off my shirt. He studied every inch of my skin with an alarming precision. He would kiss and lick and suck and bite until I was trembling before he moved on to another rib or the other arm or the other nipple.

When he got down to my waist he took long licks along the base of my belly that made me hum with pleasure. I could feel my dick pressing against the backside of my zipper, begging for me to do something.

He finally took my pants off and studied my crotch, a big wet spot on the front of my white boxer briefs made me feel like a teenager again. My back arched and noises came out of me I’d never heard.

Then he took me into this mouth and it was so much more than any fantasy, or any twisted sibling, could ever be.

“Jesus Randy, Jesus…Jesus,” I muttered.

“Well there will be a second coming,” he giggled into my thigh.

I blushed when he told me not to hold back. I moaned when he let my dick his the back of his throat. I came when he stuck his index finger in my ass and acquainted it with my prostate.

When I was done I laid motionless, every limb felt like jelly and my heart hammered so hard in my chest I thought I’d go deaf from the sound.

“You alright tough guy?” He kissed his way up my chest and then slid his tongue into my mouth like it was his right…his obligation to share the way I tasted on his tongue.

I nodded slowly and rolled over, pushing him back onto the bed - trying to take back a little control. I undressed him slowly, studying his pale skin as it was revealed. I’d seen it so many times it had become as familiar as my own, and yet it was so new.

“Fuck me,” he said suddenly, but without hesitation. “Please,” he writhed as I stroked his stomach and mouthed his crotch through his pants.

It was strange, I didn’t know how I would feel until the moment was upon me, but I was so ready for it. The thought of sliding into him, of having my dick up his ass and his dick in my hand was the hottest fucking thing I’d ever known.

I pulled off his pants and his ridiculous white underwear (the only thing he did that reminded me of Justin). His perfect pink dick arched up toward his stomach, leaking a bit and pulsing with anticipation.

He let out what I can only describe as a growl, which made me laugh. I flipped him over and kissed down his back, when I got to his ass I slipped my tongue in a little and wiggled it around in an exploratory way.

“God, fuck me already,” he panted as he raised his hips.

I got a condom from my dresser and slipped it on, I moved back behind him again and spread his legs a little.

“What, what do I…” I trailed off. God, I needed guidance for sex! Maybe Vince hadn’t been so far off the mark.

“Just push,” he thrust back at me. “I’ll be fine,” he assured me.

So I did. I pushed and I slide in and I nearly toppled over. I’d never felt so alive and on fire in my life.

It felt like I was falling into some deep, beautiful abyss. I guess that abyss was gay sex. I guess in the end I worked it out.

**

Epilogue

One morning, after I’d watched him sleep for nearly an hour, I decided to ask him something the second he opened his eyes.

"What happened to your boyfriend?"

He rubbed his eyes, "Uh, you are my boyfriend? Is this a trick question?"

"No, Joe, Vegas lover, lame ass, you know the one..."

"Oh," he started to sit up but stopped himself, "Uh, I guess I just stopped talking to him."

"Stopped talking to him?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "He was just filling space until you got your head out of your ass anyway." He smiled wide and I slapped him on the ass.

“Anyway, the other thing I need to discuss with you is..."

He cut me off, "This raging hard-on I have?"

"Whatever...so listen, if I told you my brother introduced me to gay sex would you keep sleeping with me?”

“Vince popped your fucking cherry?” I’d never seen Randy’s eyes get so wide. And then I’d never heard Randy laugh so hard. He’s the only bastard I know that would think incest was amusing.

“No, no…I mean he kind of showed me the ropes a little. He didn’t fuck me.”

Randy was quiet for a minute, just blinking and processing. I realized that he initially thought I was joking, hence the laughter.

I was fairly sure he was just trying to breathe and that soon enough he would jump up, scream his head off and run out of my life forever.

“It’s…I don’t know…it’s sort of endearing.” He finally stuttered.

“God,” I rolled my eyes, “He said you’d understand.”

Randy sat up, “I do I guess. Why didn’t you believe him?”

“He shouldn’t know you better than me.”

Randy shakes his head and laughs at me, “It’s not me he knows jack ass, it’s you. He knows you and he knows the type of guy you’d want to be with. Someone who wouldn’t freak out over your brother giving you a hand job or whatever.”

I rubbed my temples, he had a point. “He blew me,” I got up and walked out of the room.

“He what?” Randy’s voice raised three octaves as it chased me down the hall, “He fucking blew you?!”

I ran down the hall and into the kitchen where I fell on the floor laughing hysterically, Randy pounced on top of me, straddling my hips and pinning my hands above my head.

“Tell me you are kidding!” He kept laughing, “Tell me Vince did not suck your dick!”

And then from somewhere behind Randy I heard, “Oh but I did, friend. And it was damn good too.”

Without seeing him, I knew Vince was standing five feet away, probably eating something disturbing and wearing something even more disturbing and being the best fucking brother on the planet.

End

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