Gap Filler for 311
Brian and Justin’s POV
NC 17
Note: Title and italicized lyrics taken from “Here If You Want” by The Waifs
(check it out for full affect, great song!)
Justin
After being thoroughly fucked, twice, in the recently reopened back room of
Babylon (courtesy of one sledgehammer and one Brian Kinney), Brian decides it’s
time for us to get out of here. He’s undoubtedly an exhibitionist, and we’re
well matched in that I love fucking in public places too. Not as often as he
does and not showing as much skin as he does, but my hesitation to get down
and dirty is what turns him on. He has to work to get me to drop my pants and
he has to turn me on so much I forget my own name before I’ll bend over and
moan his in front of a hundred strangers. But he always gets his way. And really,
I like it that way.
Now that we’re done giving our little show, it’s time for some privacy. He loves
to be naked, something I won't do in the back room of some club. Brian probably
would, shit, he probably has. But, it’s not me.
In the car on the way home, we hold hands. We haven’t done that much lately.
Not since we’ve gotten back together, if that’s what this is. The second he
turned out onto Liberty to head back to the loft he reached over and took my
hand, pulling it back into his lap and settling it between his legs for the
rest of the ride.
When we pull into his parking space, the fact that he doesn’t even ask me if
I want to stay at his place anymore makes me smile to myself. He assumes I want
to, and he’s right. I don’t know whether I'd move in again, but it's a moot
point because he won’t ask me to. Since I'm here almost every night anyway,
it doesn't matter.
When we walk through the door, I start shedding my clothes and head for the
bedroom.
“I’m hungry,” Brian announces as he heads for the kitchen.
He’s never hungry, so I keep my pants on and start to follow him, reveling in
the opportunity to feed him.
I open the fridge and peer in, “What do you want?”
“Anything,” he sighs, sitting down at the bar. He raises an eyebrow at me as
I start to pile random foods onto the counter, “I worked up an appetite fucking
you.”
I shake my ass as I reach for a box of pasta on a high shelf in the cabinets
above the stove. I just smirk over my shoulder at him as I continue getting
pots out. I figure pasta is quick and easy.
“Pasta okay?” I ask just as his arms come around my waist. I hadn’t heard him
move so I jump in surprise.
He laughs into my ear as he kisses the side of my head, “Fuck it. I don’t need
to eat.”
“Yes you do.” I say, my resolve melting as he strokes my bare stomach and purrs
into my ear.
“I’ll eat you instead.” He whispers to me in a sexy rumble and any hope I had
of making dinner is gone.
I turn in his arms, letting and him trail kisses all over my chest and neck
until my legs are wrapping themselves around him, trying to bring our bodies
closer.
We make out like teenagers (never mind the fact I still am one) against the
sink until we’re both panting and humming with satisfaction.
He lowers his lips to my left nipple and starts feeding on it, as if I really
were his dinner. I arch my back and let a groan slide out of my throat. The
deep, wanton sound fills the loft as it indicates the start of round three.
And we’re off…
Brian
I was really hungry during the ride home from Babylon, but watching Justin try
to create a meal with my nonexistent supply of food just made me horny. His
shirtless, lithe body zipping around the kitchen as he tried to please me was
too much. He shouldn’t be cooking for me anyway. He’s not my wife.
I walk up behind him and stop him dead in his tracks. I whisper in his ear until
food is the last thing on his mind. I press him into the counter and kiss him
breathless. When he’s panting and pushing his crotch into me, I pull back.
“I’m sorry you lost your internship,” I say bluntly. I hadn’t planned on talking
about this, but it just slips out.
His eyes widen in disbelief and shock. “Brian,” he starts, but I press a finger
to his lips to quiet him. My eyes tell him to accept the rare apology and shut
up.
“There’s nothing to apologize for,” he whispers when I finally take my finger
away from his red, moist lips.
I furrow my brow at him and he continues, “If anyone should apologize it’s me.
You lost your job, Brian. A great job, one that you loved, one that you were
amazing at. Shit, you were a fucking partner. I know how hard you worked to
get there. Besides, I only took the internship to be near you. Now that you
aren’t there, I would've quit anyway.”
I shake my head at him and push off the counter, walking away from him.
He follows me into the living room, sits down practically on top of me on the
couch, “Look at me,” he says, throwing a leg across my lap as he waits for me
to comply. Little fucker.
“This is a stupid conversation. We both did exactly what we wanted, Brian. I
could freak out about how I got you into this mess, cost you your job and fucked
up your life, but I won’t. Because I know that you won’t let me. Because I know
that you did exactly what you wanted to do.”
I think about responding, but then he continues, “Hell, you could’ve stopped
me if you really wanted, but you didn’t. You jumped in headfirst and became
my partner in crime. And while it was amazing, it didn’t surprise me. That’s
what you do…the last thing that people expect you to do. It’s why I love you.”
I try not to look startled after his last remark. He hasn’t said it since we’ve
been…well doing whatever this is again. I think I needed to hear it.
I lean down and kiss him softly. Then I press him into the couch, covering him
with my body. Maybe I won’t return the words, but I can show him.
Justin
I'm so busy rambling on about why Brian shouldn’t feel bad about anything
that's happened to us that I don’t hear my own words until I've already said
them. I told him I loved him. And of course it’s true, I always have but I
haven’t said those exact words in a long time. Don’t think I ever said them
enough. I know I have to tread lightly with him, but I also know it’s something
he needs to hear and internalize.
He leans in and kisses me gently; letting his lips linger for a long time. Then
he pushes me backwards onto the couch and splays himself out on top of me. Good
reaction so far.
He starts kissing my neck. Just dragging his lips all over my skin and
breathing deep. He’s still wearing all his clothes, but I can feel his skin
getting warmer.
I run my hands up and down his back while I sigh at how good his weight feels
on top of me. He stops kissing me and lays his head down on my chest. I keep
rubbing big circles on his back with my palms, unsure of how to proceed.
Seconds pass and then minutes. I can hear his steady breathing and feel its
warmth against my chest. I let my eyes slide shut for a few minutes and just
bask in how he’s letting me hold him…even comfort him.
This is as close as Brian will ever come to needing me. His whole life was
flipped upside down in a single day. Everything is fucked up, and for the first
time since I’ve known him his future is unclear and his life off-balance. It’s
amazing to me that he hasn’t lost it, but that’s Brian…always unfaltering,
always in control.
I keep stroking his back, start to run my fingers through the back of his hair,
massaging his head slightly. I hear him sigh and he settles the rest of his
weight onto me. I laugh to myself that after all this time he'd still hold back
like that, as if I don’t know how much he weighs.
I spread my legs a little to get comfortable and shift to the right. He settles
deeper onto me, moving his head to rest on my shoulder, face buried in my neck.
He opens his mouth a little and lets his lips touch my skin. It sends a shiver
down my spine. The sex is always amazing, but it’s the little things he does –
like this –that always get me.
I could hazard a guess
But I’ll never know
Why you put these walls up
I can’t get through
It’s as though you want
To be lonely and black
Brian
I stop kissing Justin and just rest on top of him, silent and still. I wait to
see if he’s going to ask me what’s wrong or try and continue our conversation,
but he doesn’t. He just settles beneath me and strokes my back. I haven’t
needed him like this in a long time, perhaps never, and it isn’t a feeling I
welcome. But I’m still glad he’s here.
I move my face into his neck and just breathe. He smells like a mix of a
million things, school and work and the club and his soap and cigarettes. It’s
familiar.
I lick my lips and press them to his skin, just resting them against his neck.
We lay like that for a long while. I hear his breathing change and finally his
hands stop roaming. He might've fallen asleep. I wish I could.
Sometimes it feels
Like nobody knows
You wanna be alone now
Hidden from view
Feels as though the whole world
Is comin’ for you
**
I wake up to the feel of his lips grazing my temple. I look around, realizing
that I'd actually fallen asleep. As I stretch and find my body aching because
of the awkward position, I suddenly become aware of how uncomfortable Justin
must be.
I sit up abruptly. Partially to rid him of my body weight, and partially
because I feel exposed, and not in the good way.
I move away from him a little, but his hand reaches up to catch my arm before I
can get up completely.
“Don’t run from me,” he says in a soft, sleepy voice.
At
first I scoff at him, but then I stop myself. He’s right. Fucker is always
right.
I just sigh so he knows that I get it. Then I look at him. My eyes linger on
his face for a long while, taking in how much he cares about me. It’s scary.
I marvel at how we’ve ended up here and at all the crazy events that have led
to this night, to this moment. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry or punch a
wall, so I’ll just sit here and stare at him instead.
“What?” He finally asks me, a small smile on his lips.
I shake my head, “It’s just all sinking in,” I answer him quietly.
“Let’s go to bed,” he gets up off the couch and pulls me with him. I hear him
groan as his muscles strain to let him stand upright.
I run my hand up his back as he walks toward the bedroom, “Should have pushed
me off.”
He turns around after I say it, “No, it was nice.” He just smiles. It makes the
world better somehow.
People don’t hunger
Only for food
How easy that would be
So basic and crude
There’s so much more you need
Just to help nourish you
Justin
I wake to the sound of Brian snoring in my ear, not loudly, but just enough to
wake me. I look around and focus on the clock in the kitchen. It’s nearly 3am,
we’ve been asleep for hours. I dread the way my body is going to feel in the
morning after spending half the night as his pillow, but it was worth it. Brian
needed me tonight and I’m glad he actually let me stick around.
I kiss the side of his face and start to trace my palm across his back in order
to wake him. We have to get off this couch if I want to be able to walk
tomorrow.
When he wakes up and processes what’s going on, he moves quickly to get away
from me. I can see the look on his face and I sense how vulnerable he feels.
Letting me hold him and letting him sleep on me. Unless it’s after a raging
fuck, those aren’t generally things he allows himself to do. There was
something very different about what happened between us tonight.
I grab at his wrist when he starts to stand up, “Don’t run from me.” I say it
quietly, no defiance, no accusation.
I can tell he wants to balk, but bites his tongue as he thinks better of it. He
hates it, but I’m right. He wants to run, wants to kick me out and wallow in
his troubles alone, but I’m not going to let him and he knows it.
He stares at me for a long minute until I finally break the silence, “What?” I
smile a little 'cause his gaze has me puzzled.
He shakes his head then, a defeated look replacing the one I couldn’t identify
a moment ago, “It’s just all sinking in.” I want to hug him. I want to whisper
that it will all be okay and that everything happens for a reason, but I don’t
know that any of that is true.
Instead I do what I know he’ll appreciate. I just keep quiet and offer my hand,
“Let’s go to bed.” He nods and lets me pull him to his feet. I groan at the
pains in my muscles.
“Should have pushed me off,” he touches my back.
I turn to face him as I shake my head, “No, it was nice.” I need him to know
that I like being the one to comfort him, on the rare occasion that he needs
it. Whatever we are to each other, and I don’t think for a minute that I've
that figured out, it's part of the package. I’m here if he wants.
Maybe I know
Maybe I don’t
Makes no difference you know
I’m here if you want
Here if you want
Here if you want
Brian
Justin turns back around and starts up the steps to the bedroom, shedding his
pants as he goes. He stands naked and so innocent as he pulls back the sheets
and turns off the lights. I shed my own clothes and slide in beside him. It
feels like this has been the longest day of my fucking life.
He moves close, immediately sliding his arms around me. Our lips come together
effortlessly and what starts as just a kiss turns into more. Suddenly I want to
tell him that I need him, that I want him here with me.
I shift on top of him and slide my hands up his arms, moving them above his
head. I hold him down while I lick and kiss his neck and chest until he moans
at me. I can feel his dick swell beneath me and pulse with desire.
I bite a trail to his right nipple and then suck on it until he gasps with
pleasure. I move lower, slicking along his ribs, down his stomach. When I get
to his dick and hesitate, he thrusts his hips up at me, “You started this,
finish it,” he warns in an amused tone.
I
pull his dick into my mouth and milk it slowly for a few minutes. He lies
still, waiting to see where I’m going to take us. I know what I want, but I’m
going to have to ask for it.
So if you’ve decided
You’ve hungered too long
I get sick and tired
Of being alone
I want you to know
I’m here if you want
Here if you want
Here if you want
Justin
After Brian and I get in bed, I slide across the cool sheets and wrap my arms
around him. That didn’t used to be a safe bet, holding him as we fell asleep.
But he hasn’t protested in a long time.
Instinctively, I lift my head to kiss him and instantly I can tell he wants
more than just a kiss. I’m tired as all hell, but I know in about three seconds
I’ll be ready to go.
Sure enough, by the time Brian has my arms pinned above my head and is licking
his way down my stomach, I know I’m a goner.
He gets down to my cock and pauses for a moment too long. I warn him to finish
what he started, giggling as he takes me deep into his mouth.
I try to be still while he rolls my dick over his tongue, slowly and softly
sucking it to full erection. I want to fuck his face, but since I never know
what he has in mind, it’s always in my best interest to wait it out.
When he releases my arms and lets my dick slide out of his mouth, I hold my
breath, waiting for what’s to come (hopefully me).
He slides back up my body and kisses me a few times. “I need you to fuck me,”
he says quietly and I search his eyes, barely illuminated by the moonlight
creeping into the room, almost confused by his request.
I place my hand on the back of his neck, pulling his face back to mine, kissing
him hard in answer to his request.
While our lips are still pressed together, I hear him reach for a condom. He
moves back down my body and rolls it on as I moan from his touch and the
anticipation.
He moves to the center of the bed and lays face down, waiting for me to come
inside.
I slide my hand under his stomach and roll him over; despite his hesitation, he
finally complies.
Then I move between his legs and start to lift them to my shoulders.
When our eyes finally focus on one another, I smile a little, “Don’t run from
me.”
When I slide inside, we release our held breath simultaneously. I move in and
out of him slowly, never breaking eye contact. I can tell Brian feels exposed
to me and almost uncomfortable under my unwavering gaze, but he stares right
back at me, almost defiantly, and finally stops running.
Maybe I know
Maybe I don’t
Makes no difference you know
I’m here if you want
Here if you want
End
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